Mark "Hello, Western Exposure, this is Mark speaking."
Chris "Hello, I'm calling about a booking I made at the weekend for one of your Broome-Darwin tours. I mistyped the e-mail address, so I'm ringing to find out what's going on with the booking."
Mark "Oh, hi, it's Chris isn't it? Yeah, I've booked that for you already."
Chris [surprised pause] "Yes, that's me. That's good news, but I haven't actually had an e-mail about it yet, though."
Mark "Oh, have you not? Hmmm. I thought I'd sent you one - I remember doing something with it on Sunday morning, but I had had a few beers the night before. Or maybe it was Monday. I'd had a few beers that night too."
Chris [suppressing giggles] "Oh, OK. I'll have another look for it.... No, I've had nothing."
Mark "Ah well, I remember sending the e-mail off to your wrong address, then opening the next one in our inbox and that was from you with the right address - you'd swapped a G for an E, hadn't you? Maybe I didn't send the second one - sorry about that."
Chris "You have a pretty good memory considering you'd had a few beers!"
Mark "Ah cheers mate. I also charged your credit card a bit early - we're only supposed to do that 4 weeks before. I probably shouldn't have done that."
Chris "Well, that's all right - it's only a week or so early."
Mark "The PC that stuff all lives on has been put to sleep for the night so I'll get on to sending you another e-mail out first thing tomorrow."
Chris "Excellent, thanks - hope tonight's beers are great for you."
Mark "Sure they will be, mate!"
That's not quite verbatim, but it isn't too far off! I put the phone down and collapsed in fits of laughter.
The aforementioned trip is this one, and I'm going in the middle of May, when I'm not likely to get myself either roasted alive or drowned in a flash flood. As far as I'm concerned, the two main highlights are visiting the Bungle Bungles, something I can remember wanting to do since Helen Daniels went there in Neighbours, and driving through a town called Humpty Doo. After this, I'll only have one state left that I haven't yet visited - Tasmania. That one I need to save for next summer, though, as it has a decidedly British climate for most of the rest of the year.
On a holiday theme with this post, Colm and I are going to do a bit of a grand tour of Victoria over the Easter weekend. We're off to the Grampians, to do plenty of walking and animal-spotting (although I've just discovered that due to bushfires in the area last year, many of the walks I'd most wanted to do are closed - can't go here or here (main photo) for example). Then we'll drive back to Melbourne along the coast, taking in the Great Ocean Road and a couple of state parks along the way. Likely exhausting (it'll be somewhere around 1000 km of driving) but fun!
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Monday, March 19, 2007
If You Can't Beat 'Em
Australian - English "Business Speak" Dictionary
(with Australian on the left)
"All over" (syn. "all across") (adj) = "Up to speed on"
"Catch up with" (v) = "Have a meeting with"
"Present" (v) = "Tell", "Say", "Discuss", "Communicate" (NB - "present" is frequently used as an intransitive verb ... e.g. "Richard's not here for next month's meeting, so I'll have to present instead.")
"would quite like" (v) = "must not fail to provide, upon pain of sacking" (NB - for added emphasis, "would really like" can be used)
"war story" (n) = "past example to illustrate discussion point"
"extrenuous" (adj) = "extraneous" (this might be just one particular person saying this one - it's starting to be on a par with "Where are the model points?" for me)
"objective criteria" (n) = "whoever shouts loudest / has most influence / asks most politely"
"solved problem" (n) = "problem which has been looked at in a cursory manner and a possible solution has been suggested, but which will take many months to actually implement and requires significant further work before a complete answer can be given" (Personal gripe here. A quote from Friday : "Chris has solved problem X." Chris's version : "Chris has identified a problem exists, and has been able to find one thing which explains around 25% of the error, but has many disagreeing sources of data to reconcile (5 - all different but purporting to be the same!) before he can progress any further towards deciding which one, if any, is actually right." Fine if this means I get credit for doing a fraction of the work needed, but there's an obvious catch to that if the problem occurs again.)
Some other things I've found odd or difficult to get to grips with.
It's dark when I get up in the morning now! (I know this happens in England too, but because of when I came here, and the fact I used to get up later in the UK, it's been about a year since it last happened to me.)
The heat. It's not nearly as bad as it was in Jan and Feb, but now it's more the way it builds throughout the day. Many times I've noticed that it's hotter when I'm leaving the office in the early evening than it was at lunchtime, and once or twice, it's been hotter still at sunset.
Personal space. Hadn't really noticed this one till the last few weeks, but Australians, while their "default" personal space is of a similar size to that in Britain, they're relatively uncaring if that does get invaded. Several times people have brushed against my hand in a way that would probably have led to a criminal investigation if I'd initiated it. One guy appeared not to even see me until he banged his head on my chin when the tram braked sharply. And tonight's jam-packed tram, where the driver had to ask some people to get off and take the next tram because he couldn't close the doors, was quite unbelievable.
Spiders. Saw my first significantly-sized one in the house on Saturday, and was surprisingly unmoved by it. Would have been a different story if it had been this one however! (Jumping?!)
And finally...I think I'm safe from being evicted if the landlord sells the house, as is his current intention. He showed some people round today (which gave me a good incentive to finally unpack everything and give the place a good tidy!) and gave me the impression there are several others on the way. According to my reading of the tenancy agreement and of the stuff I was given when I moved in, I don't think the agreement can be ended before its official end date unless I'm a bad tenant.
(with Australian on the left)
"All over" (syn. "all across") (adj) = "Up to speed on"
"Catch up with" (v) = "Have a meeting with"
"Present" (v) = "Tell", "Say", "Discuss", "Communicate" (NB - "present" is frequently used as an intransitive verb ... e.g. "Richard's not here for next month's meeting, so I'll have to present instead.")
"would quite like" (v) = "must not fail to provide, upon pain of sacking" (NB - for added emphasis, "would really like" can be used)
"war story" (n) = "past example to illustrate discussion point"
"extrenuous" (adj) = "extraneous" (this might be just one particular person saying this one - it's starting to be on a par with "Where are the model points?" for me)
"objective criteria" (n) = "whoever shouts loudest / has most influence / asks most politely"
"solved problem" (n) = "problem which has been looked at in a cursory manner and a possible solution has been suggested, but which will take many months to actually implement and requires significant further work before a complete answer can be given" (Personal gripe here. A quote from Friday : "Chris has solved problem X." Chris's version : "Chris has identified a problem exists, and has been able to find one thing which explains around 25% of the error, but has many disagreeing sources of data to reconcile (5 - all different but purporting to be the same!) before he can progress any further towards deciding which one, if any, is actually right." Fine if this means I get credit for doing a fraction of the work needed, but there's an obvious catch to that if the problem occurs again.)
Some other things I've found odd or difficult to get to grips with.
And finally...I think I'm safe from being evicted if the landlord sells the house, as is his current intention. He showed some people round today (which gave me a good incentive to finally unpack everything and give the place a good tidy!) and gave me the impression there are several others on the way. According to my reading of the tenancy agreement and of the stuff I was given when I moved in, I don't think the agreement can be ended before its official end date unless I'm a bad tenant.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Post Script
People in Australia say nice things about you when you've had a haircut. They don't point and say "Haircut! Haircut!" like they do in the UK.
They also do odd things like knock on your door on a Sunday morning, and ask if you'd like to sub-let your garage to a friend.
Long weekend again this weekend, only this time it's a freebie - Monday is a public holiday, Labour Day. (For some reason, despite the fact that Australians spell all the -out words correctly, you also see Labor as a valid spelling a lot - one of the two main political parties (currently in opposition) is the Labor Party, who have somehow lost their U.) Each of the states has one or more unique public holidays - this one is technically an Australia-wide one, but it's on different days in different states. Tassie and Victoria have it next week (although Tassie calls it, somewhat inaccurately, Eight Hours Day), Western Australia had it this week, Queensland and Northern Territory have it in May, and it's in October for the other three states, NSW, ACT and South Australia.
Educational!
They also do odd things like knock on your door on a Sunday morning, and ask if you'd like to sub-let your garage to a friend.
Long weekend again this weekend, only this time it's a freebie - Monday is a public holiday, Labour Day. (For some reason, despite the fact that Australians spell all the -out words correctly, you also see Labor as a valid spelling a lot - one of the two main political parties (currently in opposition) is the Labor Party, who have somehow lost their U.) Each of the states has one or more unique public holidays - this one is technically an Australia-wide one, but it's on different days in different states. Tassie and Victoria have it next week (although Tassie calls it, somewhat inaccurately, Eight Hours Day), Western Australia had it this week, Queensland and Northern Territory have it in May, and it's in October for the other three states, NSW, ACT and South Australia.
Educational!
Monday, March 05, 2007
Break of Day
A brief celebratory post - I have just watched the final episode of the excellent, well-written and involving mini-series Day Break. This confirms one of the reasons I don't bother to have a TV - this, one of the few series I really enjoy watching, gets cancelled halfway through its run. Thank goodness they'd filmed the whole thing before it was canned, and for once an American media company thought it was a good idea to release a program on the Web.
Watch it as soon as you can.
Watch it as soon as you can.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
A Load Off My Mind
My first ever haircut abroad. As has now become usual over the last 4 months, it's the little differences that stand out.
I've only ever had my hair cut in four different places (no, not fringe, top, back and sides, the other kind of places) - a barber in Burscough, one in Ormskirk and two in York. Even when I was at Uni, I used to go back to the same place in Burscough to get it done - always easier when you don't have to describe what you want doing, and can just say "The usual, please."
Firstly, the barber (and, I assume, his wife, who was also cutting hair in the place) was foreign. And not just foreign like me, really foreign (I'd guess Polish or Czech from the language and how they looked). This reminded me vaguely of the first of the two places I went to in York, namely the Mediterranean Barber's on Goodramgate. Given this guy had a beard, I didn't expect to be offered a blowtorch-based shave like I was in York.
The conversation on sitting down in the chair began as normal. Didn't follow quite its usual path though :
"How do you want it?"
{describes desired haircut}
"You want it cut with scissors?"
{pause} "Yes please."
At this point, he pulled a few sheets off the toilet roll that was sat at the back of the chair, and wrapped them round my neck, then covered me with the usual tent-like thing to protect me from my own hair.
A significant plus point in his favour was that he didn't attempt to engage me in conversation. I'd prepared myself for the expected gregarious Aussie, with enough innocuous and inoffensive chatter to see me through 20 minutes or so of haircutting. Not needed for this dour Eastern European - he spoke only to clarify a few things in terms of how I wanted my hair doing.
Looking around, needing something to do with my eyes, I spotted the ultraviolet steriliser and the macassar hair oil. Yes, I had been transported back to the 1950s!
After I'd said I was happy with the cut, two odd things then ensued.
Firstly, he got a metal comb/brush contraption out and started to rub it quite hard through my hair while pointind a hairdryer at it. This was somewhat painful - he was pressing quite hard, and it was quite sharp - but I think it worked quite well. Very few bits of hair left over when I walked out - usually I'm still finding bits of hair around my clothes the following day.
The other piece of weirdness, something I still don't understand, was he put some powder onto a brush (shaped like a giant shaving brush attached to a milk bottle) and proceeded to rub it quite hard into the back and sides of my neck. Any ideas?
The prices were also somewhat 1950s - I think it's about 10 years since I paid that little for a haircut. $17! (That's less than £7.)
And last but not least - as a result of my haircut, temperatures have now fallen around Victoria to a pleasant (but not haircut-inducing) 22C. Autumn is nearly here.
I've only ever had my hair cut in four different places (no, not fringe, top, back and sides, the other kind of places) - a barber in Burscough, one in Ormskirk and two in York. Even when I was at Uni, I used to go back to the same place in Burscough to get it done - always easier when you don't have to describe what you want doing, and can just say "The usual, please."
Firstly, the barber (and, I assume, his wife, who was also cutting hair in the place) was foreign. And not just foreign like me, really foreign (I'd guess Polish or Czech from the language and how they looked). This reminded me vaguely of the first of the two places I went to in York, namely the Mediterranean Barber's on Goodramgate. Given this guy had a beard, I didn't expect to be offered a blowtorch-based shave like I was in York.
The conversation on sitting down in the chair began as normal. Didn't follow quite its usual path though :
"How do you want it?"
{describes desired haircut}
"You want it cut with scissors?"
{pause} "Yes please."
At this point, he pulled a few sheets off the toilet roll that was sat at the back of the chair, and wrapped them round my neck, then covered me with the usual tent-like thing to protect me from my own hair.
A significant plus point in his favour was that he didn't attempt to engage me in conversation. I'd prepared myself for the expected gregarious Aussie, with enough innocuous and inoffensive chatter to see me through 20 minutes or so of haircutting. Not needed for this dour Eastern European - he spoke only to clarify a few things in terms of how I wanted my hair doing.
Looking around, needing something to do with my eyes, I spotted the ultraviolet steriliser and the macassar hair oil. Yes, I had been transported back to the 1950s!
After I'd said I was happy with the cut, two odd things then ensued.
Firstly, he got a metal comb/brush contraption out and started to rub it quite hard through my hair while pointind a hairdryer at it. This was somewhat painful - he was pressing quite hard, and it was quite sharp - but I think it worked quite well. Very few bits of hair left over when I walked out - usually I'm still finding bits of hair around my clothes the following day.
The other piece of weirdness, something I still don't understand, was he put some powder onto a brush (shaped like a giant shaving brush attached to a milk bottle) and proceeded to rub it quite hard into the back and sides of my neck. Any ideas?
The prices were also somewhat 1950s - I think it's about 10 years since I paid that little for a haircut. $17! (That's less than £7.)
And last but not least - as a result of my haircut, temperatures have now fallen around Victoria to a pleasant (but not haircut-inducing) 22C. Autumn is nearly here.
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